A Grandparent's Advice to Parents
- 10.01.2008
- Article Number: 9
| Source: Mike Bellah - www.bestyears.com
"Everyone should be a grandparent before they're a parent." I don't know who first penned this genetically impossible advice, but they're right. We grandparents have much better hindsight than foresight, and, if we could do it over again, most of us would make some adjustments. So just in case there are young parents reading this, who are wiser and more teachable than I was at their age, here is one grandparents' advice to parents:
Find a way every day to show your children that you love and believe in them. Do a lot of hugging and don't stop when they become teenagers.
Take time to know each of your children as individuals. What are their dreams and fears? What are they good at? What can you do to help them develop their own unique interests and abilities?
Set and enforce boundaries. Be willing to be the bad guy. Don't let your own guilt keep you from being tough when you must be.
Be candid about your own mistakes. Be willing to change your mind, admit wrong, and openly apologize.
Be patient. Remember that the path to success is paved with failures, and don't forget that one of the reasons kids have trouble being perfect is that they have imperfect parents.
Be accepting. Remind your children often that home is a place they can find forgiveness and new beginnings.
Remember that some opportunities come only once. Few of us grandparents feel regret because we once missed an important business meeting to spend time with a child.
Don't judge other parents or children. It will come back on you. Never say "never" (as in "My child would never do that").
Don't over-program. Leave your child room to be creative.
Begin at an early age to give children responsibility and don't be afraid to let them fail. Also don't cover for them when they do. Part of growing up is learning how to mend one's own mistakes.
Laugh a lot.
Be silly together.
Sing a lot.
Let your children know they live in a harsh world. Talk candidly of accidents and crime. Maybe let them role play how they would respond to each. Also things such as camping in the wilderness can help children develop resourcefulness and toughness.
Be concerned about the hearts and minds of children. Work on their "want-tos." If they develop a love for things that are good for them, you won't worry as much when they leave your home.
Help your children find mentors such as scout or school leaders, coaches, youth directors, summer camp counselors, and family friends (remember the times; you must do some investigating and screening on your own). Also develop your own mentors (can be your parents and grandparents) to help advise you about parenting.
Do things to keep yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. If you allow your children to keep you from daily exercise, alone time, or regular times away from the children with a spouse and/or friends; you will find it hard to be a good parent.
Finally, give yourself permission to really enjoy your kids. What could you do right now that would give pleasure to both you and your child? Some day you will long for such an opportunity. |
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Choosing Toys for Grandchildren
- 09.30.2008
- Article Number: 8
| By: Source: AARP.org Date Posted: 2006-12-28 19:55:00-05:00
Toy shopping isn’t for wimps. Every grandparent learns this lesson sooner or later.
Admit it. As a new grandparent, you approached your first toy shopping adventure with lots of excitement and feelings of hope. Those feelings probably disappeared after you had spent an hour or two wandering the aisles of your local toy store. That’s when you started to feel overwhelmed by the miles of color, noise and motion bombarding you. And that’s when every toy started to look and sound just about the same.
Toy shopping can’t be avoided, no matter how hard it is. After all, you can’t go to that next birthday party empty handed. But you can learn to relax in the toy store and have some fun. You may not find the perfect toy. But you should be able to find a toy that will bring a smile to your loved one’s face. These tips might help.
Safety First
Safety should be your first consideration when buying a child’s toy. Make your decision about safety by checking the toy label. The Child Safety Protection Act requires that all toys have a label that tells you if that toy is safe for children in different age groups. For example, a toy label must tell you if a toy has small parts that could choke a child under the age of three.
It’s important to check over every toy to see if it could present a danger to your young grandchildren. Steer clear of toys that have cords or strings longer than 12 inches. You don’t want a toy with sharp edges or toxic paint. And watch out for those extra pieces that come along with toys and games. Don’t give young children gifts that contain balloons or marbles.
Rely on the Experts
When in doubt about a toy, ask your adult children. They know what toys are popular. They know what’s safe. They can tell you what your grandchildren like. Most important, they can tell you what types of toys that don’t want in the house. That may include toys that will drive them crazy with bells, whistles and sirens.
Young Children Like It Simple
Have you ever watched young children open a gift and then play happily with the box instead of the toy? Youngsters can have as much fun with pots and pans as they can with the toy it took you three hours to select. Again and again, children turn to the simplest things in life for their entertainment. For the younger set, less is more. Maybe it’s time to follow their lead.
Young children like toys that help them play make-believe. So leave the talking doll on the toy store shelf. Instead, go for stuffed animals or building blocks. See if you can find kits that help youngsters open an imaginary store, cook an imaginary meal, or run a make-believe office.
Young kids also like toys that keep them active. That includes balls they can throw and catch, and cars they can push around the floor. Leave the motorized cars at the toy store.
Toys that help youngsters learn are also a great choice. Puzzles or playing cards will give your grandchild many hours of happy play.
Older Children Have Interests
You can get good toy tips for older grandchildren by paying attention to the kinds of things they like to do. Is your granddaughter a budding scientist? A chemistry set or microscope might make a good gift for her. Does your grandson like sports? Consider giving him a new basketball or a baseball glove. Is music your grandchild’s “thing”? Then a few CDs may just do the trick. If you think the child might have some musical talent, invest in a simple instrument, like a harmonica or a tin whistle.
It’s a good idea—and lots of fun—to match the toy with the child. Be careful, though. Don’t push your grandchild into an activity because you want him or her to like it. At the same time, ask questions to find out how real your grandchild’s interests are. Your grandchild may want a particular toy because it was just advertised on television. Talk with your grandchild about the toy. Postpone your purchase if your grandchild’s interest seems like a passing fad.
Stay and Play
It’s always a good idea to buy toys that you’d enjoy. Then, when the toy is out of its box, be willing to stay and play! Show your grandchild how to use his or her new gift. Shake the baby’s new rattle. Cuddle with that new stuffed animal. Show your grandchild how to put one of his new blocks on top of the other. Play that new board game or computer game with an older child. You’ll both have fun.
Try, Try Again
Ever buy a toy you think is a winner and then see it sitting untouched in the corner of the room? This happens to every grandparent. Don’t let it discourage you. No gift giver succeeds every time. As long the toy you buy is safe and not too expensive, a gift-buying mistake isn’t the end of the world. Both you and your grandchild will get over it. And you both can look forward to the next birthday or holiday, when you’re bound to hit the jackpot.
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Help for Grandparents Raising Orphans of War
- 09.29.2008
- Article Number: 7
| By: Christopher J. Gearon | Source: AARP.org | Date Posted: May 2008
Grandparents and other relatives caring for the children of deployed soldiers get some needed financial security July 1 when the U.S. military will allow soldiers to earmark a one-time, $100,000 payment to non-spousal caregivers in the event they are killed while serving the country.
The change spells relief to thousands of single parents who serve in the military and to those left to raise the soldiers' children. Nearly 16,000 single parents have been deployed since Oct. 1, 2001, according to the Department of Defense. A total of 249 of those parents have been killed.
Susan Jaenke's daughter, Jaime, was one of those fallen soldiers, killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq in 2006. "I didn't just lose my daughter," said Jaenke, of Iowa Falls, Iowa, "I lost my best friend." The soldier left her daughter Kayla, now age 11, with her grandmother. Before her deployment, Jaime Jaenke designated her daughter to receive $400,000 in group life insurance benefits at age 18 should she be killed and listed her mother as beneficiary of a so-called "death gratuity."
Upon the death of active-duty military personnel, the Department of Defense provides families with the death gratuity, a tax-exempt $100,000 payment designed to meet the immediate needs of survivors.
After her daughter's death, Susan Jaenke discovered she was not eligible for the payment. The law prevented her from receiving such benefits, even though she was designated by Jaime and was raising her daughter. The law directed the gratuity to any surviving child if there is no surviving spouse. If the child is a minor, the money is put into a trust account based on pertinent state law until age 18. "It's like you’re stealing from your granddaughter to raise her," Jaenke said.
"Caregivers who are raising these children need the support to do it," said Amy Goyer, national coordinator for the AARP Foundation's Grandparenting Program. "As a nation, we weren't quite prepared for what was going to happen to these families. We have an obligation to help them."
Jaenke and her granddaughter were living on less than $1,500 a month. "I was on the verge of losing my house," Jaenke said, "my credit was shot."
"Unfortunately, the families of these soldiers have unintentionally been excluded from important benefits intended to help them," according to U.S. Rep. Tom Latham (R-Iowa), who upon hearing Jaenke's story helped to change the law.
Change is Coming
Change has come, but it's been piecemeal. Just before Memorial Day 2007, Congress temporarily changed the law so that a solider can earmark as much as half of the death gratuity—in 10 percent increments—to a caretaker or other beneficiary. In January 2008, Congress made a permanent change, included in the recent Defense Authorization Act, which allows soldiers beginning July 1 to designate as much as 100 percent of the death gratuity to whomever they want, including caretakers. The change follows what is common practice when it comes to designating beneficiaries for life insurance.
But the change only applies to soldiers who proactively name or switch their preferred beneficiaries on the military's DD 93, or Record of Emergency Data Form. The old rules still apply to those failing to update beneficiary designations.
Family advocates have concerns about the basic education that soldiers, particularly new enlistees, receive about such benefits.
"There is an inconsistency there," noted Kathleen Moakler, government relations director of the National Military Family Association. There are several times at which the military prompts active-duty personnel to update such emergency information, including upon entry into the military and prior to deployment. "The service member should consider what [the death gratuity] is used for and who it is going to affect before deciding who the beneficiary will be."
The Defense Department says it is trying to clarify the benefits process and beneficiary elections, especially to soldiers in the pre-deployment process, who are required to update their DD 93 Forms.
"With the [new] flexibility will come responsibility" on the part of soldiers, said Gary McGee, program analyst for the compensation directorate in the Office of Military Personnel Policy. While the military says it is doing its part, ultimately, it is the service member's obligation to get it right.
For grandparents who may be in a position of caring for a grandchild whose parent is in the military, Mark Ward, the Pentagon's casualty, mortuary, and military funeral honors program manager, said, "I'd talk to my son or daughter about their elections before deployment."
Meanwhile, the changes in the law, which initially became effective in the spring of 2007, provided no relief to families when deaths occurred and funds were distributed, like the Jaenkes, prior to enactment of the new laws.
To address that, last summer, Congress passed a resolution that clarified congressional intent on death gratuity benefits distribution. The measure gave state courts—which have jurisdiction over trust accounts set up for minors—discretion to redistribute certain death gratuity funds to caretakers. This is only possible, however, in cases where a clear expression of intent for those funds was left by the service member.
As Jaime Jaenke had originally cited her mother as beneficiary of the death gratuity, the Jaenkes went back to court last summer. An Iowa judge reversed his original decision when presented with the congressional resolution and awarded the family immediate access to the full death gratuity.
"It doesn't bring my daughter back," said Susan Jaenke. "It allows me to pay the bills." The grandmother did put $25,000, per her daughter's request, toward a horse-stable business Jaime started to help disabled children.
"This is a positive step," Goyer said. It also signals that not all American families are traditional two-parent households. "There are many, many children who are being cared for by grandparents when a parent or both parents are deployed."
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Did My Parents Let Me Do This?
- 09.17.2008
- Article Number: 5
| TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930s, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out (very many) eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS!
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Snow Activities
- 08.21.2008
- Article Number: 1
| When the snow flies, most parents prefer to stay inside where it’s warm. The thought of bundling the kids up from head to toe only to stay outside for a few minutes seems like a waste of time. If you have some fun snow activities planned, however, the kids will play and play, and maybe you’ll all enjoy the snow.
Snowmen: Everyone knows about building snowmen, but maybe you didn’t know about some variations on the age-old theme. Dress your snowmen (and women) in Halloween costumes or old clothing. Use drops of food coloring to make colorful streaks through the snowman’s sparkly flesh. Have contests to see who can make their snowman look most like the president, a favorite teacher, or Mom or Dad.
Snow Turtles (or Owls or Alligators, Etc.): Create a wintertime zoo out of snow. You can sculpt just about anything out of snow with a little creativity. Start with turtles because a round mound is less frustrating than a complicated animal (such as a porcupine).
Tracks: Lots of kids like to run across a field of freshly fallen snow just to see their tracks. Put a twist on this activity by having your kids create animal tracks. Check a field guide out of the library and let them study what different animal tracks look like. Then they can use different tools (wooden spoons, spades, empty spools, or whatever you have around the house) to recreate the tracks on your lawn. They might be able to trick neighbors into thinking a deer has run across their lawn.
Snow Fort: This activity is so fun and so involved that you may have to remind your kids to take a break to warm up inside before finishing. I recall staying outside until after dark on a freezing night as a child because I was so involved with my snow fort. Snow fort building is more satisfying than sand castle building because the snow holds its shape better. Use the same principles as with sand castle building. Find big containers (paint buckets are great) to fill with snow. Then empty them upside down. That’s your basic building unit. The walls can grow very tall, so remember this activity when you have a giant snowfall, the kind that keeps everyone home for the day. Snow forts can get very elaborate; kids will make tunnels from fort to fort if they don’t run out of time or snow.
Snowflake Catching: Snowflake catching is perfect for those gentle snowfalls with great big flakes. Don’t try it when a blizzard is blowing snow almost horizontally or your kids will run headlong into a tree with their mouths wide open. Not fun. Here’s how it works: Look up into the sky. As soon as you can decipher individual snowflakes, focus on one and follow it with your eyes as it floats down to the ground. Then catch it on your tongue. It’s fun to watch kids play this game because they look so funny staring at the sky, wandering back and forth with their tongues sticking out.
These snow activities are a springboard to the world of fun snow play. As you and your kids play these games, variations on each will develop, depending on the interests of those involved. So go ahead and bundle them up from head to toe, and don’t forget to have a good supply of hot cocoa on hand for when you come back inside.
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Updated : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:49:06 GMT
AP - Wall Street sagged again Friday but took a break from the heavier selling of recent days as energy, utility and technology stocks showed some advances and bank stocks declined.
Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:37:45 GMT
AP - Attorney General Michael Mukasey was given "a clean bill of health" and hoped to check out of the hospital after extensive medical tests following his collapse, the Justice Department said Friday.
Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:40:20 GMT
Reuters - Followers of Shi'ite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr marched on Friday against a pact letting U.S. forces stay in Iraq until 2011, toppling an effigy of President George W. Bush where U.S. troops once tore down a statue of Saddam Hussein.
Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:47:52 GMT
AFP - The use of nuclear weapons will grow increasingly likely by 2025, according to a bleak US intelligence report that warns that US global dominance is likely to weaken over the next two decades.
Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:05:19 GMT
AP - With no end in sight to economic bad news, President George W. Bush on Friday ensured that millions of laid-off workers will keep getting their unemployment checks as the year-end holidays approach.
Publ.Date : Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:47:47 GMT
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Children's Blog for Grandparents
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